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You take games too seriously.

The Top 10 Games I’m Looking Forward to Making Fun of in 2009

(this is the worst New Year's image I could find on the internet. thanks, simgamers.com!)

(the worst New Year's image on the internet. thanks, simsgamer.com!)

10. Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
Because if there’s hooker-on-stylus action, I have a week’s worth of posts.

9. Henry Hatsworth
Because I’m insecure in my masculinity, so rather than just enjoying a game called “Henry Hatsworth”, I need to make fun of it to prove I’m not a little girl.

8. Scribblenauts 
Because I can’t wait to see if it recognizes “dildo”.

7. Wet
Because the gross, gross puns reviewers will attempt in writing about it will make for a quote round-up to end all quote round-ups.

6. The Beatles Game
Because playing as Ringo Starr will either be infinitely sad or infinitely awesome.

Top 5, after the break.

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Filed under: Commentary, Top Ten

Top 10: A Banjo-Kazooie 3 Wishlist

If you’re like me, a real sucker, you downloaded Microsoft’s new media app, Silverlight, to sneak a peek through Rare’s dirtied peephole at Banjo-Kazooie 3. And if you’re like me, a real stubborn blockhead, you were upset to find a teaser page featuring a rotating golden puzzle piece. There was no Banjo, no Kazooie, and definitely no Mumbo-Jumbo.

Check it out here, or don’t bother, and imagine this image, gold and twirling.

I shouldn’t be upset. Sure, Rare let me down, but that’s happened before. Why even get my hopes up? So in an effort to save myself from further damage, I will not mention Banjo-Kazooie 3 until it is released.

Screw it, top ten wishes for Rare’s Banjo-Kazooie 3, go!

10.) Pre-Order Swag: Party like it’s 1999 with your Mumbo Jumbo Beanie Baby.

9.) Re-make Rusty Bucket Bay: Technically impressive at the time, the idea of Banjo and Kazooie trapped underwater in a sinking ship whets my whistle. Think Poseidon Adventure meets Brother Bear. It would be hell, upside down.

8.) Guest Appearances: Joanna Dark, Donkey Kong, James Bond, Viva Pinatas, and Conker, however improbable, let’s make it happen. Please.

7.) An Obvious Title: Banjo-Threeie. Do it for me. Or do it for Pony Boy. But please, Just Do It.

6.) Time: I try not to get my hopes up for major releases, but this time I can’t help but be both excited and worried. I’m as anxious as cattle in a meat factory, but please do not rush this product, Rare. I can wait another three years, or even another platform for a great game. I have bloody indulgences like GTA IV, Too Human, and Cooking Mama 3 to hold me over.

5 through 1, including Jinjos and paint balls, after the jump…

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Filed under: News, Top Ten, , , , , , , ,

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