You take games too seriously.

Duke Nukem to Sponsor Microwave

"Nuke'em with Nukem!"

"Nuke'em with Nukem!"

Duke Nukem, known for his popular 1990’s FPS, Duke Nukem 3D, has signed a five-year, $40,000 contract with GE to lend his name and likeness to their latest home cooking line—the Duke Nukem Countertop Microwave Ovens.

The line, GE believes, will elevate their microwaves from a kitchen appliance to a dining room centerpiece. “The microwave’s sleek design will please wives that want the modern aesthetic,” said Mark Henderson, GE’s Head of Sales. “And it’s sporadic tendency to warp users into a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles filled with strippers and pig cops will please husbands that want out of their thankless marriage.”

When contacted about his latest business venture, Duke Nukem offered a typically brief response, “Groovy.” Pressed for more details, Nukem nervously scanned the room for his publicist, mumbling, “Shake it, baby?”

Along with the heat settings and a built-in timer, the microwave will also feature misogynistic content, graphic depictions of violence and cultural stereotypes. “Instead of a beep to let you know you’re food’s ready the microwave grovels ‘Suck it down,’” said Nukem, running a comb through his hair. “It’s real bitchin.”

“Originally we had plans to cut costs, just put Dolph Lundgren in a Duke Nukem costume and call it a day,” said Henderson. “But Duke said he’d work for scraps. He even moonlights as our janitor.”



Filed under: Commentary

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

this is a blog about video games by chris plante, sam ryan and chris littler.

subscribe via rss, follow us on twitter, be our fan on facebook.

"BEST OF HUMOUR... Hardcasual is the magic mirror for gamers who aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves, and each other."
- Gaz Deaves, Video Games Records Manager, Guinness Book of World Records

"I liked Hardcasual when it was serious. Then they made a joke about me and turned into a comedy site. Now I like them even more... These guys are like The Onion of video games."
- Stephen Totilo, MTV Multiplayer Blog
%d bloggers like this: