You take games too seriously.

EXCLUSIVE: Hero of Fallout: New Vegas Revealed

"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, a radidly degrading Combat Shotgun..."

"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, a radidly degrading Combat Shotgun..."

LONDON, ENGLAND – At a press conference this morning in London, Bethesda Software, the developers of Fallout 3 and the Elder Scrolls series, announced the development of Fallout: New Vegas, a new chapter in the blockbuster Fallout series.

In exchange for three delicious donuts, Todd Howard has given Hardcasual an exclusive reveal of the protagonist: Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.

“We feel like Dr. Thompson,” said Howard, in between noshes of fresh, crisp cream-filled donut, “Really offers a lot of exciting avenues for players. Where in Fallout 3, you could get addicted to Stimpaks or Jet, we’re going to go ahead and deliver you a character who isn’t just addicted, he’s already permanently there.”

In the Fallout series’ alternate timeline, Thompson was studied by the Brotherhood of Steel for his extreme acquired resistance to neurochemicals, and instead of his tragic suicide was frozen in a capsule moments before his death from excessive grooviness. When the Las Vegas facility holding his body is jolted back onto the grid during the nuclear attacks, Thompson returns to life, newly gifted with mutagenic powers and a unholy thirst for Peyote and zombie scalps.

The new direction for the series promises to return some of its trademark humor. Said Howard, “Dr. Thompson’s half-zombified form should offer a real collection of laughs. Think how much fun it will be when you’re trying to go onto an epic quest, but all he wants to do is curl into a ball and swat away the imaginary zombified bat-crabs that are chasing him? Or when he realizes that the Brotherhood of Steel are really a bunch of reanimated dinosaurs, and that the only way that he can make it across the wasteland is by getting his faithful dog, Dr. Gonzo, to slowly dose him with Ether.”

Upon finishing his three donuts, Howard said, “You guys aren’t going to print this, are you? It’s embargoed until E3. We still haven’t finished negotiations with the Australian goverment to let us say ‘then I shoved the suppository of blotter acid up my ass’.”

Howard then agreed to let us have the early exclusive for two more donuts and a tall, frosty glass of whole milk.

sam ryan


Filed under: Commentary

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

this is a blog about video games by chris plante, sam ryan and chris littler.

subscribe via rss, follow us on twitter, be our fan on facebook.

"BEST OF HUMOUR... Hardcasual is the magic mirror for gamers who aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves, and each other."
- Gaz Deaves, Video Games Records Manager, Guinness Book of World Records

"I liked Hardcasual when it was serious. Then they made a joke about me and turned into a comedy site. Now I like them even more... These guys are like The Onion of video games."
- Stephen Totilo, MTV Multiplayer Blog
%d bloggers like this: