You take games too seriously.

UFC Match Ends in Uppercut, 200-Story Fall into Pit of Spikes

Shit happens when you up, up, down, hold left and tap B.

Shit happens when you up, up, down, hold left and tap B.

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – In what can only be called a ridiculously awesome tragedy, last night’s Ultimate Fighting Championship match ended when middleweight kung fu master Carlos Marlena uppercut Gabe Proud, launching the 28-year-old wrestling instructor and father of three out of the ring and into the pit of spikes two-hundred stories below.

The match, which was broadcast live on Pay-Per-View to over a million households, was billed as “Fighters Who Didn’t Read Their Contracts”.

“No one told us,” said Danielle Proud, Gabe’s wife. “If Gabe had known that it was logistically possible for his opponent to uppercut him so hard that he would fly out of the Octagon and fall to his death in a pit of spikes, I don’t think he would have signed up. ”

Ultimate Fighting Championship has long touted itself as the sport with “no rules.” This is the first time a contestant has died live on air.

Mindy Loober, a spokesman for UFC Entertainment, claims that the spike pit two-hundred stories below the arena has been there since 1993, when matches were first televised. “It’s not like we added it just for this fight. It’s always been there, waiting for someone like Gabe Proud to come along with a gravity-defying uppercut. Actually, we were thinking of taking it out a year ago – that camera that follows the contestant as they fall at maximum velocity to their death is very expensive to maintain – but I championed to keep it, just in case. Now who’s the idiot, Mark? Huh?”

A funeral service for fans will be held at Hope’s Rest Chapel on Friday afternoon.



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