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You take games too seriously.

Stupid Fucking Programmers Put in Button That Instantly Crashes Game

One of these buttons will seriously fuck up your day.

You know which button I'm talking about.

EVERYWHERE – In a move that can only be called fucking ridiculous, the programmers behind all of your favorite games have deemed it necessarily for every game to have a button that, when pushed, instantly crashes the game and ruins your day without fail.

The programmers, of whom there are too many to name here, seem to have reached their consensus about the ‘instant crash button’ behind closed doors, probably at one of their secret meetings where they come up with new ways of pissing us off.

An industry insider who wishes to remain anonymous revealed to Hardcasual that the instant crash button, or ICB, isn’t going anywhere. “Yes, of course it’s unnecessary, but you’d be surprised how many things in games are these days. Loading screens? Yeah, right.”

Not everyone believes that the ICB is as unnecessary as it appears. Jeff Williams, lead programmer at Big Blue Entertainment, tells a different story. “Anyone who tells you that the ICB is pointless is yanking your chain. I don’t want to get into programmer-speak, but let’s just say that the ICB is in integral part of a balanced equation. Without the random chances of a gamer pushing the button and having the game shit out on him, everything would fall apart.”

“That guy has no idea what he’s talking about,” our industry insider said after hearing Mr. William’s interview. “Listen, we spend a ridiculous amount of time on these games and get very little in return for our efforts. Putting in shit like ICBs and load screens and ‘lag’ is just our way of getting our kicks in. Since when is fucking with you a crime?”

According to Leigh McAllister, head of the protest group Weapons of Crash Destruction, it always has been. “As programmers, these men and women have a responsibility not to abuse their incredible powers. I’m a woman with six fingers on her left hand, and the position of the ICB affects me in a very real way.”

The ICB seems to be catching on with programmers outside the gaming world. At the time of this writing, the dickhead designers behind Microsoft Word, Adobe Photoshop, and, yes, even WordPress have recently implemented the

Littler

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this is a blog about video games by chris plante, sam ryan and chris littler.


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