You take games too seriously.

Area Man Finds Totally Hetero Life Mate on Xbox Live

AndOneDude <3's Goku28

AndOneDude <3's Goku28

NEWPORT, RI – Two years after high school, Eric West found himself friendless. His pals had long since left for college or married women that preferred their husbands stay busy with productive things like having children.

West temporarily filled the void with “creek fish” – a nickname he gave easy to catch women with shallow personalities—until a surprise herpes flare-up convinced the 22 year old to swear off hookups, and ultimately the entire East Newport dating scene.

Without distractions, Xbox Live, Microsoft’s popular online video game service, became a nightly oasis for the young man, who, uninterested in further education, still desperately wanted to get away from his hometown.

“My favorite game is Call of Duty 4. It’s a nice place to make friends and tell fags to tongue my balls,” said Eric, in an exclusive interview with Hardcasual, continuing with an, “Iz nice.”

However, Eric was shocked when his CoD clan mate Cesar Williams asked to meet up in person. The duo, which engaged nightly in vitriol-filled scrimmages, had developed a rapport, occasionally finishing the other’s sentences.

“So a few weeks ago, we’re in this real intense team death match,” said West with Williams at his side, “when CW here grenades the shit out of these total homos. That flushes them out of cover and sets me up to gun them down. So, we win and we’re all stoked and off the cuff, CW tells me he loves me.”

“You know, as bros.” Williams intervened, “Nothing queer.”

The couple met in person the following week for chicken crispers at the Chili’s off 295—Williams was working as a roofer in Providence, so the location was a convenient middle ground.

Six months later, the men now co-own a small bed and breakfast in Pawtucket. And just last week, an argument about their future that ended with an ultimatum from West inspired the couple’s current plan to move to Massachusetts this fall and eventually wed.

They announced their engagement during a clan match last week. Teammates were shocked, but generally supportive. Clan leader Sam Prince, who goes by TeabagLVR, called them “total newfags,” but wished them “the best and whatevs.”



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