You take games too seriously.

Nude Patch Crushes Spirit

There are nipples behind the bar.

There are nipples behind the bar.

After installing a nude patch to Tomb Raider: Underworld, a local man reported feeling “icky” and “having doubts about my life.” The man, 24, declined to give his name and was visibly shaken.

“I thought it might be fun, you know. I used to do this kind of thing when I was a kid, and I saw a link…” he said, trailing off. Indeed, friends of the man reported that in his early years, he often racked up large eWorld bills downloading nude mods for Quake and earlier Tomb Raider games. One friend reported being “so jealous” that “[the man] got a computer in his room. He had all the craziest stuff on there.”

However, his early obsession with pixelated women quickly turned to healthy relationships with real women, the most recent of which ended roughly six weeks ago. Since then, the man reported feeling “listless” and “unmotivated in life.” His supervisor at the lawfirm where he currently is temping said “[he] is a good worker, but you can tell he’s just not happy. It’s too bad, really.”

After a night of drinking alone and watching Battlestar Galactica, he said that he “stumbled upon” a link to the patch, and installed it “for kicks.” His initial amusement, though, quickly turned to self-hatred.

“It’s been… over a month since I’ve even talked to a real girl. Oh man. Those don’t even look like breasts. Jesus. I need to figure some things out,” said the man. Curled up in a ball in his bed, he added the following statement, “Oh, man. I should call my parents more often. I should call [my ex] again. We could still work things out. I need a change. I need to figure things out.”

Psychologists say that this reaction, while uncommon, can ultimately be healthy.



Filed under: Commentary

One Response

  1. KC Sponge says:

    I hope he never chooses the female trainer on Wii FIT – the boobs may be sheathed, but they’re the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen . . .

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