You take games too seriously.

Uwe Boll to Turn Entire GameStop into Movie

I will teach you how to make movie in Germany.

I will teach you how to make movie in Germany.

Uwe Boll, the German director responsible for turning video games such as Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, House of the Dead, Postal, and Dungeon Siege into feature films, announced today that he will be turning his local Gamestop into a movie.

The film, which is tentatively titled “GameStoppers: Fight for Blood 666,” is described by Boll as “a nine-and-a-half hour journey into every video game that has ever been put on a shelf,” adding that there will be “big explosions” and “lots of hot women with their boobies out.” If this film is anything like his previous adaptations, there will also probably be several car chases.

According to James Bartwood, an assistant manager at the Gamestop scheduled to be adapted, said that Mr. Boll frequents the store as often as three times a week, oftentimes with a notepad where he jots down ideas and inspiration. Once, he was forcibly removed from the store for tearing off his shirt and demanding that other customers ask him for his autograph.

“I’m just worried that he’s going to adapt me into some fat, unfunny jackass,” said Mr. Bartwood, referring to Mr. Boll’s propensity for steering his films away from the source material. “I’ve talked to a lawyer already, but she says that it isn’t really defamation if no one sees the movie.”

Despite having begun production this morning, Mr. Boll is already shot half the film, which stars Michael Madsen as a serial killer and Clint Howard as a child-molesting dragon.



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