You take games too seriously.

Hapless Young Man Thwarts Somali Pirates with Fizzy Beverage, Saves Ship

Our unlikely hero - Voodoo kewpie doll not pictured.

Our unlikely hero - Voodoo kewpie doll not pictured.

A gang of Somali pirates were caught off-guard Wednesday when a strapping young man scaled their Plunderian cargo tanker.

Last October, the ship had just left Plunder Island’s harbor with a cargo of crackers, voodoo dolls and the infrastructure of a theme park when the pirates commandeered it.

In return for the ship, cargo and lives of its crew, the pirates demanded Plunder Island deliver safe passage and pay ransom in the form of the Big Whoop Treasure. After months of angling and negotiating, Plunder Island’s mayor, Elaine Marley, conceded to local newspapers that no agreement would be met.

But yesterday at dawn, Guybrush Thriftweed, a local young man, launched a surprise, one-man attack on the ship, overcoming the pirates using nothing more than a monocle, a manila envelope, some parrot chow and a temporary library card.

The pirates politely surrendered after Threekwood ousted their nefarious captain, LeChuck, with a clandestinely placed can of root beer.

Upon his return to mainland, Threepwodd refused reward, and was last seen with Ms. Marley drifting deep into the Indian Ocean on a floating bumper car pulled by a pair of helium balloons.



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