You take games too seriously.

Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs

Censor or Visionary?

AV Club Pres. George Robert: Censor or Visionary?

WHEAT RIDGE, CO – Commuters on I-70 gawked at the massive bonfire that lit the night sky over the highway yesterday evening.  The fire, built by the Wheat Ridge High School AV Club, burned into the witching hour before WRFD extinguished it around 5AM this morning. At the bottom of the fire pit, a surprise: local firemen found two-dozen smoldering Xbox 360s, repurposed as kindling, which had fused into a glob of smoky white plastic.

George Robert, the eighteen-year-old President of the Wheat Ridge High AV Club, took responsibility for the ceremonious burning, calling it a “statement piece.” With field reporters and onlookers forming a half-circle around the flames, Mr. Robert set the stage for a call to arms not just for gamers, but, in his words, “self-respecting citizens” across the greater Jefferson County area.

Continued after the jump.

“The time is now, destroy 360s we will,” preached Mr. Robert to his fellow club members and any receptive passerby.

When asked what inspired the pyre, Robert responded with stern brevity, “Killzone 2.”

Many game analysts have labeled Killzone 2, a first-person shooter for the Sony PS3, one of the consoles final bastions of hope. As such, some die hard fans of the Sony brand have invested their dreams, aspirations and will to live into the title’s release this February.

“Trepidation, we have it not. The best shooter ever, Killzone 2 will be,” said Mr. Robert, enigmatically continuing, “Nay. Best. Period. Game. Period. Ever. Exclamation point.”

Another club member, David Smithyman, gladly shared his two cents on what makes Killzone 2 different from other video games. “Yeah, I, like, played a burned debug copy. I can’t tell you where I got it, but, like, man, in the first level I found a valve, and, like, I turned it with the controller’s Sixaxis,” said Smithyman. “It was, like, totally like turning a valve in real life if, like, the valve was, like, shaped like my controller,” Mr. Smithyman went on, his words degenerating into muddled tongues.

While the bonfire may seem like a flash in the pan for the Wheat Ridge High AV Club, they aren’t ready to relinquish their fifteen minutes of fame just yet. Plans to storm the local Best Buy, a popular nationwide consumer electronics store, and take hammers to any remaining 360s and Microsoft demo kiosks were announced by the club in an open letter released to news outlets today.

“It’s our duty to the public. We must ensure the consumer experiences, first hand, Killzone 2’s innovative gameplay. All other options, all other distractions, must be terminated. Only one thing is important. Two words. One letter. ‘Lean N Peak,’” said the letter.

When contacted, the local Best Buy gave no comment, but the Wheat Ridge Police, ever precautious, have assigned an additional squad car to the shopping center parking lot. The car’s two officers will be on hand to provide additional safety and answer questions; they will be located outside Linens-N-Things.

The Xbox 360 is a video game console by Microsoft that many financial analysts expected to soar this fiscal year despite the economic recession. The console is a direct competitor with both Sony’s PlayStation 3 and Nintendo’s Wii console. The 360’s hard plastic shell, designed to withstand overheating, reportedly made poor bonfire tinder, but the Wheat Ridge AV Club’s persistence (along with 4 gallons of gasoline) helped them coax a steady flame.



Filed under: Commentary

45 Responses

  1. Sam Ryan says:

    who is that unfortunate-looking…

    … oh no.

  2. theshapeofthetree says:

    What a fantastic turnout for an AV Club meeting. I knew we should of scheduled more hardware bonfires.

  3. Stickemup says:

    They shoulda gave me one of those 360’s so I could play Gears 2… then I would throw it in the fire…

    Killzone 2 better be as good as they say.

  4. Jaimeson says:

    ummmmm What? this article is a joke right? it’s just that the writing sounds like it’s supposed to be kick at Killzone 2 fans, especially with the Yoda talking leader there. it’s a good laugh though, especially the terribly wrong “factoids” that they give like… the “last bastion of hope” for the ps3 bahahahahahaha ps3 has enough games and enough exclusives to stand on it’s own already and it’s just going to do much better this year, and “The 360’s hard plastic shell, designed to withstand overheating” BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s REALLY funny considering all the RRODs

    anyway, killzone 2’ll be great and I hope you’ve pre-ordered cuz the early demo for pre-orderers is starting next week!!! Hail to the king baby!

  5. Texemosis says:

    This article is obviously a joke.

  6. SoCRacK says:

    can’t wait 2 own all the little x-box fanboys on killzone2. Don’t worry microsoft. After a few games of getting their tails kicked, they just “might” return. “beware fanboys” us ps3 gamers aren’t going to make your transitions easy, but once you see everything you been missing out on. if sure we’ll get along just fine. till then BRING IT !

  7. Hallon says:

    Talk about fanboys. Both consoles are good:P Stop this stupidity!

  8. Mule says:

    Fools like them who give every gamer a bad name.

    Mental cases all of em.

  9. Chr says:

    Why bring hammers to all remaining 360s? Terminate all other distractions? Talk about despotism!!

    Who the hell do these guys think they are? How about lettin people decide what they want to play, huh? Just because you finally get a good game, doesn’t mean everybody else has to like it!!


  10. […] Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs Hardcasual TagPSN :Il_Drugo Killzone2=Call of Duty set in double-gravity space, directed by Ridley Scott and rendered by God.=Best FPS eva~![cit.] […]

  11. Stag says:

    LOL!! Holy crap guys…this is 110% false. Made up. Completely fictitious. C’mon, now. Read the bloody article all the way through; the author is mocking the KZ2 situation/expectation. Just chuckle at it and move on. =)

  12. nate-dog7 says:

    tell me this isn’t serious… i love my ps3 and am definitely pumped for killzone 2 but come on. these guys are retarded

  13. lol says:

    looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. if only this was real.

  14. […] Killzone 2 – Preview Thread Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs Hardcasual __________________ Playstation 3 320GB PSN BenchyUK My opinions expressed here are my own and […]

  15. WOOOO says:

    WOOOOO!!! Xbox 360 IS Sexy!!!!!

  16. Joker says:

    obvious joke is obvious. Your photoshop skill need work.

  17. Salaya says:

    LOL! That was just jokes, storm the local best buy, burning 360’s, that guy that keeps saying like lol.

  18. lhswe says:

    Its such a waste, although i own a ps3 that is just a pointless waste though.

  19. JB9865 says:

    Yes Killzone 2 is one of the most beautiful games ever made followed by solid gameplay. It’ll be what Street Fighter 2 was to Street Fighter.

  20. roont says:

    uh, it doesnt really matter. anybody who is a ‘fanboy’ is a friggin retard anyways. the whole concept of doing something so drastic to show your support for whatever given console just shows that you have a chromosome missing, and should be dropped down a well. we all know that PC kicks the CRAP out of both consoles, always has, and always will.

  21. […] Maybe, like, these guys can, like, help. Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs Hardcasual […]

  22. Fartbox says:

    Did you mean “soar” not “sore”?

  23. FRANKO says:

    I have both systems and they are GREAT!!! I’m standing in the ‘corner’and laughing like crazy while i read fanboy stupidities.

  24. MarkD says:

    Can’t wait for KillZone 2,from what I have played so far it’s definitely better than Gears Of War :)

  25. Tim says:

    I realy hope no one actually believes this load of bull. If it was actually real, I think we would have heard about it on the nightly news. Come on M$ fanboys, dont you have anything better to do with your free time other than hate on Sony.
    I’ll have you know that the case for the 360 is actually a cause of overheating. The shape of the case and material used actually causes the machine to overheat. Its a basic design flaw that makes it unable to move air efficiently enough, thus the main reason for 360 failures, overheating. Do a lil reseach before you go stating “Facts” that only you think are true. I may have spent $600 on my launch 60gig PS3 but atleast I have a system that is reliable and still running strong, fully 100% backwards compatable and has never crashed on me. Are you M$ fanboys really this desperate and have nothing left to bring to the table that you have to make up fake stories? You’re just as pitiful as a 16 highschool kid that makes a fake myspace page to stalk your ex girlfriend.

  26. Ryan says:

    This wasn’t written up by a fanboy Tim. You should probably relax a bit, and read up before you spend five hours typing up a message that is completely false.

  27. […] Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs WHEAT RIDGE, CO – Commuters on I-70 gawked at the massive bonfire that lit the night sky over the highway yesterday […] […]

  28. Dillon says:

    this was awesome, through and through.

  29. Ross says:

    Haha… Nerds.

  30. EvO says:

    Wow…. what will these kids do when they find out what a Vagina is?

  31. The Ambassador says:

    Why burn them in the first place. Yes, they may be sup standard but you are still burning $300 worth of kit…why?

    And yes, the photoshop is por, too poor..

  32. […] Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs […]

  33. badboy says:

    lmao…burned the fuked up 360 with ROD

  34. davidlee says:

    REPLY TO >> EvO

    wow u are too damn nerd. who care about his photoshop work O_o

  35. Jamie T says:

    I think everyone involved with the planning and execution of this should be fined. I could care less if it was a 360 or a PS3 but what encases each console? plastic. Do you really think burning plastic is an environmentally safe thing to do? I’m sure there’s some sort of pollution law out there.

  36. miomz says:

    Motherfuckers!!! Losers PS3 Scum!

  37. natendo says:

    this site is the onion of gaming

  38. Kyle says:

    “My Controller, was like, a valve…”

    Oh how I laughed.

  39. […] LOL, Click Here to read about what some of my fellow Coloradans have done to their xbox 360’s because of killzone 2.. LOL Hilarious. [?] Share This […]

  40. Duane says:

    LOL, PC gamming rules. You silly console gammers.

  41. abukii says:

    Makes me wish I was in Wheat Ridge. I would have filmed it;)
    Its about time that someone did something as radical as this. Its a powerful statement to xbots. Someday, maybe, we can all just get along…

  42. […] Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs « Hardcasual […]

  43. […] Killzone 2 Prompts Local AV Club to Burn Xboxs « Hardcasual […]

  44. […] Hardcasual has this shocking, shocking story about a high school A/V club burning Xbox 360s in California in clebration of the Killzone 2 release. what evil lurks in the hearts of Killzone 2 fans? The shadow knows.  Truly shocking! Bookmark and ShareClose Bookmark and Share This Page Save to Browser Favorites / BookmarksAskbackflipblinklistBlogBookmarkBloglinesBlogMarksBlogsvineBuddyMarksBUMPzee!CiteULikeco.mmentsConnoteadel.icio.usDiggdiigoDotNetKicksDropJackdzoneFacebookFarkFavesFeed Me LinksFriendsitefolkd.comFurlGoogleHuggJamespotJeqqKaboodlekirtsylinkaGoGoLinkedInLinksMarkerMa.gnoliaMister WongMixxMySpaceMyWebNetvouzNewsvineoneviewOnlyWirePlugIMPropellerRedditRojoSegnaloShoutwireSimpySlashdotSphereSphinnSpurlSquidooStumbleUponTechnoratiThisNextTwitterWebrideWindows LiveWorlds MoviesYahoo!Email This to a FriendCopy HTML:  If you like this then please subscribe to the RSS Feed.Powered by Bookmarkify™ More »Powered by Bookmarkify™ […]

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