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Study: iPhone Games Even More Likely to Cause the Opposite Sex to Ignore You

"Aw, shit, I missed my train because I was too busy making penis-creatures!"

"Aw, shit, I missed my train because I was too busy making penis-creatures!"

People playing iPhone games in public were up to seven times less likely to get laid than those who played even a Nintendo DS, according to a new study.

Researchers at Columbia University announced the results of a series of questionnaires and direct observations performed on riders of New York City public transportation yesterday. The study surveyed over 250 men and women, who played iPhone games such as i Love Katamari and Rolando while commuting.

“It’s amazing, the effects of playing a simple iPhone game on public transportation,” said psychology PhD student Chester Black. “We expected it to be a deterrent towards women who date men, but it appears that even women playing iPhone games are a form of ‘boner Kryptonite’. It’s just impossible to play these games and be appealing to even the horniest perv on the D train.”

Continued after the jump.

Previous studies showed that in rare cases, playing a Nintendo DS could actually be an effective lead-in to subway conversation. Additionally, PSP usage among New Yorkers has held steady at a rate far above the rest of the country, and yet casual sexual encounters and flirtation via the subway have shown to be steady within the last three years.

These results, though, near-conclusively prove that the act of tilting, shaking, and multi-touching an iPhone is enough to send any potential suitor not just to another target, but often to another subway car.

One of the participants in the study, Rebecca Gish, 24, said, “It’s amazing. Before I had an iPhone, I used to be approached on the subway at least once a week. But since I started playing ‘i Love Katamari’, it seems like I’m in my own little world on the subway. Men look at me with revulsion, even hate. Sometimes, I catch myself humming along at the Katamari music, only to find that the homeless man on the car with me has quickly gotten off at the last station to catch a different train.”

Another, Marc Galligan, 28, said, “I used to always play my Nintendo DS on the subway, and even then women would sometimes ask me about what I was playing. But with the iPhone, it’s absolutely amazing – I’m shaking and twisting my phone to get those little Rolandos to the goal, and people look at me like I’m groping a child. I’d play my iPhone at home, except for the fact that if you’re not stuck on public transportation, the games aren’t worth the time.”

As iPhone sales skyrocket, researchers warn that the rate of partnership in human race may quickly drop in major metropolitan areas. This “baby bust” will happen mainly among owners of iPhones and other accelerometer-based electronic devices, claim the study’s results.

“When you play with your iPhone on the subway,” said Chester Black, the study’s author, “You look such such a fucking dick. What the fuck is your problem?”

sam

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Filed under: Commentary

7 Responses

  1. KBKarma says:

    Rebecca Gish, eh? I think I’ve met her.

  2. Sam Ryan says:

    Any resemblance to actual persons is entirely coincidental.

  3. evadwolrab says:

    This is simply not true.

    Girls hit on me all the time. I assume. I’m usually not paying attention.

  4. Torsten28 says:

    Hi,
    hab grade eine neue Seite gefunden Seitenname: erotik-kleinanzeigen da kann man kostenlose Anzeigen schalten, Anzeigen merken, Nachrichten an Mitglieder verschicken und ein eigenes Postfach. Jetzt haben die auch ganz neu Gratis Videos, Video-on-demand Service eingebaut. Super Seite…

  5. Andreas31 says:

    Hi,
    hab grade eine super neue Seite gefunden, die Seite heisst:erotik-kleinanzeigen da kann man kostenlose Anzeigen schalten, Anzeigen merken, Nachrichten an Mitglieder verschicken. Jetzt haben die auch ganz neu Gratis Videos, Video-on-demand Service eingebaut. Super Seite… Ich kann sie nur weiter empfehlen.

  6. adrian says:

    its a recursive and selfish phenomenon. you play games by yourself therefore you play games by yourself

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this is a blog about video games by chris plante, sam ryan and chris littler.


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