You take games too seriously.


Liberty City's Finest

Liberty City's Finest


From: Concerned Citizen

Re: Traffic Crime


I fear you’ve taken a lax stance on recent criminal activity.

You see, a few months ago, while parked outside my local post office, minding my own business licking stamps, I watched a man run a red light. While one cannot expect the LCPD to apprehend every petty criminal, this particular incident occurred before a stationed police vehicle.

Tsk,tsk, LCPD. Tsk, tsk.

Over the next few months, this occurrence has repeated itself daily. I go to the post office, lick my stamps, and watch one, sometimes two, citizen’s speed through that very intersection.  Occasionally a driver will even hit a homeless person. With his car! It seems the LCPD no longer responds to criminal activity lest someone burns down a city block with a Molotov cocktail.

While I was able to put the first event behind me, the repeated incidents cannot go unnoticed. Please punish those that cannot respect our basic traffic laws. Also, please lower the cost of stamps. 27 cents? J’accuse!


From: Helicopter Pilot

RE: Helicopters


Please don’t shoot my helicopter.

How is a pilot supposed to make a living if his chopper’s riddled with bullets every time he transports a few passengers from Broker to Algonquin? I understand safety concerns, but as a professional helicopter pilot my career subsists on two things.

1) Paying customers that need quick, efficient air support.

2.) Not being shot down.


More messages after the jump…

From: Concerned Citizen

Re: Re: Traffic Crime


I appreciate your quick and forceful response to my last complaint by bolstering Liberty City’s police force. The increased presence of helicopters and SWAT vans provides comfort for these troubling times. That said, people continue to religiously run that red light outside my post office.

How am I supposed to mail letters with people running red lights?

Since I may have skimped on the details in my last note, allow me to provide them now.

-I go to the post office every day at 11:15 AM.

-My post office’s located at Lorimar and Burlesque.

-If you don’t police this intersection, I will.

-I will murder them.


From: Criminal

Re: My Wanted Level



Sent via text message


From: Concerned Citizen

Re: Re: Re: Traffic Crime


An elderly man ran the red light outside my post office at 11:17 this morning. At 11:18, I followed him at high speeds: north on Burlesque, west on Manganese and north on Frankfort. At Quartz Street, I tailgated the elderly gentleman through a red light, then used my Cavalcade FXT to ram his Blista Compact into Middle Park Lake.

I have reason to believe the man drowned. I believe this because he swam to shore where I held his face under water until his body went limp. I also stole his wallet. And then I buried him in the embankment.

Since I ran a red light during this pursuit, I also willingly confess to that crime. While I may be guilty, you’re accountable too. 27 cents? For a stamp? Highway robbery.

You dare not throw the first stone.




Filed under: Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response

  1. bryan says:

    applyforajob LCPD

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

this is a blog about video games by chris plante, sam ryan and chris littler.

subscribe via rss, follow us on twitter, be our fan on facebook.

"BEST OF HUMOUR... Hardcasual is the magic mirror for gamers who aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves, and each other."
- Gaz Deaves, Video Games Records Manager, Guinness Book of World Records

"I liked Hardcasual when it was serious. Then they made a joke about me and turned into a comedy site. Now I like them even more... These guys are like The Onion of video games."
- Stephen Totilo, MTV Multiplayer Blog
%d bloggers like this: