Hardcasual

Icon

You take games too seriously.

WORLD OF WARCRAFT COMPLETELY DESTROYS HARDCASUAL REVIEWER’S LIFE

Burning Crusade Review!

Exclusive: Early WoW: Burning Crusade Review!

To: Chris Plante (ctplante@hardcasual.net)

From: Skip Tanning (stanning@hardcasual.net)

Hey, Chris. You asked for this a bit ago. Sorry for the lateness.

Best,

ST

PS. Can I still get paid?

——-

Skip Tanning’s review after the jump…

Happy holidays 2006, gamer-fans!

You may be asking yourself why it’s been so long since you’ve heard from your old pal Skip Tanning. The truth is, family issues and a brief stint at the hospital kept me away from my life’s passion for a few months, but I’m glad to announce that I’m back on my proverbial feet. And I do not return to you empty handed. For I, Skip Tanning, am one of the privileged few who have played World of Warcraft’s expansion, The Burning Crusade, and let me tell you – it’s as good as we all hoped it would be.

I know what you’re thinking: a little late, Skip! The game comes out in less than a month! Well, call me a perfectionist, but I just can’t give a game the Skip Tanning Seal of Approval unless I’ve played it through in its entirety.

That’s right – every class, every quest, on every server.

I can’t even tell you how often I lost track of time while exploring this incredible world that Blizzard has created!

With new races, new zones, and new levels – WOW:BC has it all. The addition of Draenor (or the Outlands, as they are sometimes called) takes the game to a whole new level. And I haven’t even mentioned the brand new profession: jewelcrafting. Mobs now drop equipment that have  empty sockets, so you can have your own personalized gear! How cool is that?

What isn’t cool is when your so-called ‘friends’ show up at your house in the middle of a Karazhan raid and try unplugging your computer. I don’t know about you, but I think taking away the only source of joy in my life because of two measly heart attacks shows a real lack of imagination.

How can they not see that World of Warcraft is good for me?

I mean, think about it – what could be better for a recent divorcée’s self-esteem than defeating Illidan, the Betrayer, in a mano y mano showdown at the Black Temple?

What could be more freeing for a morbidly obese diabetic than soaring over Terokarr Forest atop a Netherwing Drake?

What could be a better distraction from a messy child custody battle than a journey through the infamous Dark Portal every day?

Nothing!

It seemed I was so engrossed with leveling my new Dranei paladin that I stopped feeding my dog. I thank my lucky stars that I have such attentive neighbors, who noticed his emaciated condition and alerted the authorities just in the nick of time. (To put him down.) Feeding him would normally be my son’s job, but he isn’t around thanks to my relentless joy-hating bitch of an ex-wife.

But I digress. The bottom line here is that World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade is not only the greatest game ever made, but perhaps the greatest thing ever made by human hand.

I’ll leave it up to you to decide for yourself when this masterpiece hits store shelves in just over a month. I should probably get back to my feral druid – those things don’t power-level themselves.

Have a safe and happy holiday.

See you in 2007!

Skip Tanning

-ctl

Advertisements

Filed under: Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response

  1. Sam Ryan says:

    poor skip.

    let’s get him to review fallout 3 next.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

this is a blog about video games by chris plante, sam ryan and chris littler.


subscribe via rss, follow us on twitter, be our fan on facebook.


"BEST OF HUMOUR... Hardcasual is the magic mirror for gamers who aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves, and each other."
- Gaz Deaves, Video Games Records Manager, Guinness Book of World Records

"I liked Hardcasual when it was serious. Then they made a joke about me and turned into a comedy site. Now I like them even more... These guys are like The Onion of video games."
- Stephen Totilo, MTV Multiplayer Blog
%d bloggers like this: