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You take games too seriously.

“A Next Metal Gear…” Decoded!

 

A Next Metal Gear Is...

A Next Metal Gear Is...

By now, you’ve probably seen the cryptic message on Konami’s website – Kojima Productions is up to something new, and XBox fanboys are cheering a 360 port, Wii fanboys are cheering a Wii port, and people who really aren’t that into videogames are cheering an iPhone… something.

But we’ve been doing our detective work here at Hardcasual, and for us, that means sitting back and thinking “What would Ghostwriter do?” And we think we’ve figured it out – “A Next Metal Gear” isn’t just broken English. It’s not another sign that perhaps Hideo Kojima may not have the best grasp on how to put a sentence together, let alone an epic narrative. No, in all the genius that is Kojima, he’s constructed… an anagram.

We’ve found three possibilities, all of which have his genre-busting fingerprints all over them.

 

N'Gai + Me = A Late Sex Art

N'Gai + Me = A Late Sex Art

Well, maybe this one didn’t make as much sense as the other two. But we think we’ve got the rest of it puzzled out, right after the jump.

Right. So, here’s our second possibility:

 

Get Malaria Net... Sex

Get Malaria Net... Sex

This makes a lot more sense… Kojima’s obviously been playing a game that actually gets the politics of factional warfare in a lawless world right, and he’s offering a little hint for a future feature to the developers. Nothing would add some flavor to your adventures in wartorn Africa like a few sexual encounters in the protective sheath of nylon.

Well, except for a farting monkey in a diaper.

And, finally… 

 

Green Text... A Salami

Green Text... A Salami

The green text doesn’t signify that it’s for 360, silly fanboys. No, Kojima just wants to remind you, subconsciously, that as you head into this busy holiday season, it’s never a bad idea to bring along a salami to any gathering you may attend.

… So, who else is excited for Metal Gear Solid 5: Games-Journalists-Makin’-It-With-Meat-Products-In-A-Mosquito-Net, coming in 2009 to the iPhone?

swr

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Filed under: Commentary

14 Responses

  1. Chris Plante says:

    Where can I pre-order?!

  2. Alex says:

    Obviously, it is Metal Gear Grammar.

    The war economy led to communication to be conducted in circumlocutory manner; we are quickly losing grasp of our common connection. There is nanomachines that, uh, represent parts of speech like “definite article” and “interjection.”

    Somehow, it takes forty-five minutes and a bunch of cardboard characters to explain that.

  3. Steve says:

    ID-tagged salamis?

  4. hmmm, I like the salami one!

  5. mk says:

    1) Me (i) + you(reverse “i”) equals power?

    2) i + shocked (!) = MGS online? (the “!” on the globe)

    3) Notice there are 3 “i”s (PS3);
    there are 2 “i”s in the 1st part of the equation (Wii?)
    and a circle representing 360 degrees (xbox) :P

    Can’t say I haven’t tried ; Can’t say I didnt over-read this :-P

  6. Smith says:

    It’s not broken English.
    “A next Metal Gear is…” means that there isn’t just one Metal Gear game coming out, as opposed to “The next Metal gear is…”

  7. […] “A Next Metal Gear…” Decoded! Hardcasual Oh, well that explains everything. […]

  8. raybear says:

    Is there really gonna be a 5th?
    *prays*

  9. LuiStrokes says:

    !+¡=69

  10. yasien says:

    i= upside down !—- an exclaimation mark appears when a gaurd is alerted…..hence meaning ACTION…there for the upside down ! is the opposite…meaning STEALTH the the last symbol means POWER or STAND BY..
    so my conclusions are:
    1)Stealth + Action = Power
    2)Stealth + Action = Is a go
    meaning that all pre developement preparations are done and the game is officially in production>.

  11. stormax says:

    the ‘i’ refers to the PS ‘eye’ camera and the next ‘i’ refers to acid. Since acid was a card based strategy, in the same vein as ‘eye of judgement’ , its going to be an ps eye based acid game on ps3. Believe it.

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