Mr. Emmerich being a douche.
WASHINGTON D.C. – Dr. Hal Emmerich, better known as “Otacon” from the Metal Gear Solid series, is ruining the new Star Trek movie for everyone in his theater by refusing to turn off his codec.
“Snake. Psst. Snake,” Otacon said during the opening credits. “Guess where I am, Snake. Just guess. That’s right. I’m watching Star Trek. Yeah, the J.J. Abrams one. Do you need to save or anything? Because for the next to hours I’m going to be having my mind blown.”
Despite angry audience members telling him to ‘turn off your fucking walkie talkie’, Otacon continued to communicate with super-spy Solid Snake throughout the film.
“Holy shit, Snake. You’ll never guess what happened. No, no. I’m not going to spoil anything. I promise. Actually, this kind of reminds me of the time you were fighting that Native American dude in that tank. Remember that? Hold on, some jerk is throwing popcorn at me.”
After the film, Hardcasual met with a few of the audience members who had their movie watching experience completely ruined.
Jeanine Purrey, a Star Trek fan for over twenty years, is considering taking legal action against the government. “It’s ridiculous. I mean, I’m glad that we have people like him to keep us safe from giant nuclear-missle-launching robots, but that doesn’t give him the right to bring his work into a packed movie theatre. At one point, I guess he thought his friend was dead, and just kept shouting at the top of his lungs for like two minutes.”
Frank and Linda Corbin, a married couple who rarely get a chance to go on a date, are less impressed with the theater staff, who refused to take action against Mr. Emmerich.
“My husband talks to the manager, says, Hey there’s this guy in our theater who keeps blabbing on his cell phone. The manager comes into our theater, takes one look at the guy and skedaddles. Ridiculous.”
“We’re never coming back to this place again,” Mr. Corbin added.
Hardcasual asked Wai Sun, the theater manager, why he seemed to be giving Mr. Emmerich special treatment.
“Are you kidding me? That guy is best friends with Solid Snake. I tried to kick him out once, the next day I woke up with a proximity mine on my pillow. He can do whatever the hell he wants.”
Filed under: Commentary