An Introspective Tank
Tank was at hospital last night punching car when puny survivors show up and set tank on fire. Maybe you no know, but fire hurt. Fire hurt bad. Why everyone try to set tank on fire, tank ask you. For wanting to punch car and mash brains between gigantic fingers? You no know tank. You no know his struggle.
You want to know why tank so mad? Tank mad because worldwide economic crisis.
Tank not always rip cement out of ground and throw at you. Tank once work at big office with paper and chair. Tank have diverse portfolio before infection. Tank always put money into tank’s savings. And now tank have tiny head and watch government flush tank’s retirement money down crapper.
Tank lose college savings for kids. But tank also punch kids to death.
IT ALL MAKE TANK SO ANGRY.
Tank no vote in election. Tank too busy writing ‘HELP’ on roof of building to vote. Tank no scared of much, but tank wary of big government, unless big government use helicopter to save tank when he stranded on roof. But that no happen.
Tank hear something. Puny humans?
No. Stupid Boomer.
(Sigh.)
Maybe he understand bailout.
-Chris Littler
Filed under: Commentary, Login as Guest , apocalypse, bill, college loans, debt, end days, francis, l4d, left 4 dead, louis, recession, stock market, tank, valve, zoey, zombies
[...] Hardcasual returns with a bang, as CliffyB explains how to save games journalism: “How did I, Cliff Blezinski, become CliffyB? Kitchen-squats. And when Cliffy B didn’t bed a dozen women a night, what’d he do? Juiced pheromones out of dominant apes and slurped them like a friggin Diet Soda. Cliffy B takes action. So when folks get upset about New Games Journalism, the Cliffster fixes it. He fixes it because he cares. He fixes it and runs twenty miles to tame his gluts and then he fixes it again.”. Thanks, Cliff! Also, L4D’s Tank on the economic crisis. [...]
Thanks! I usually don’t laugh this early in the morning. I may feel a little twinge of remorse when I set the Tank on fire and pump him full of shotgun rounds, now.
how inconsiderate of me. the tank is just like one of us.
classic.
absolutely classic
dont think ive read something that funny in years.
You are a seriously funny guy
it’s been a long, long time since i’ve laughed at anything in written form on the internet.
Well then, I guess it’s back to 4chan.
Absolutely brilliant xD. Long time I don’t laugh so hard with a text, too.
Absolutely fantastic, thanks for making my monday morning that much bearable :)