Login as Guest: SSBB – The Jukebox Game

On the weekends, HardCasual hands over their keys to friends. We encourage them to share their rants, raves, or groans about whatever they feel fit–the podium’s theirs. We only ask they stay on topic, don’t incite revolution, and vacuum the living room.

This week, a local NYC playwright and musician, Chris Littler, takes time away from the high arts to bless us with a revelation: Super Smash Bros. is the first Jukebox Game. If SVGL’s blasphemous SSBB comments made your blood boil, I warn you, beware. For what follows digs deep into the nether regions of Nintendo, Broadway musicals, and ABBA.

Proceed with Caution.

The Jukebox Video Game

Mr. Plante and I are currently trudging through the seemingly endless single-player mode of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. He does most of the grunt work. The camera follows him as he bounces around while I do my best to comprehend what the hell is happening on screen and stay alive.

Since the majority of my time is spent waiting to respawn, I have plenty of time to consider the big question that Subspace Emissary begs be asked of itself. Namely, WHAT IN HIGH HOLY SHITBALL ISLAND IS HAPPENING?

Why are Diddy Kong and Star Fox wandering the jungle, looking for a fight?

Oh. Then why are the two Earthbound leads (totally the same person) bouncing around a decrepit old zoo together?

I see. Ancient Wizard, you say? Okay, well who let Ganondorf, one of the most inept villains in videogame history (watch your back, Bowser!), run the villains new ramshackle bureaucracy? Were there always this many R.O.B.’s zipping around the world, and if so, who decided that an outdated Nintendo accessory would make an acceptable henchman? By my estimates, the Virtual Boy has a decade on R.O.B. Does that not count for anything?

Okay. You already knew that the game makes no sense, and maybe you’ve already come to terms with it. And, I admit, my own gut instinct was to shut up, plow through it, and forget the whole thing ever happened once everything that could be unlocked was unlocked.

But I can’t do that. I’ve got fingers to point.

See where the finger pointing leads after jump…

For Brawl’s single-player mode, Nintendo brought in Kazushige Nojima. He is one of their most accomplished ’scenario writers’ (whatever that means). His job was to provide the backbone of Subspace Emissary’s plot. For the uninformed, a quick glance at Wikipedia details Mr. Nojima’s history with writing. He had a hand in writing the plot (though I’m not sure how much of a hand) for Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy X, and Final Fantasy X-2 – as well as being the chief architect in those Kingdom Heart games.

Yes. Kingdom Hearts.

So this guy, this Nojima character, earns his marks in the industry on some very respectable projects, then – at least in my opinion – pisses it all away on writing ‘jukebox video games’. In fact, the man seems to have invented (or perhaps perfected) the very concept. Am I calling him a sell-out? No. But the man has created a genre – and not a very good one – and the least we can do is let him know what he has unleashed upon the world.

So what is a ‘jukebox video game’? To be honest, I just made it up. And now, my friends, I am going to rationalize the term.

A ‘jukebox musical’ is a musical that derives most, if not all, of its musical content from earlier works. A good example of this is the current Broadway hit Mamma Mia! – the story of which was constructed around previously-written ABBA hits. What this process entails I can not say for sure, but I can only imagine it involves a couple chain-smoking writers listening to the same CD over and over again while punching away at their laptops, occasionally taking a break to discuss what they plan to do with the egregious amounts of money they are receiving for their soulless task.

Okay, okay. Mamma Mia! isn’t all that bad. It’s a decent story held together by some okay 80’s anthems. And there are many other ‘jukebox musicals’ that have achieved the same – if not greater – success. A lot of people aren’t aware that Singing in the Rain is a prime example of a jukebox musical – and that’s a pretty great film, no? But for every Buddy, there’s a The Times They Are A-Changin’. For every Everyone Says I Love You, a Moulin Rouge waits in the wings. And for every Jersey Boys, there’s an All Shook Up, Xanadu, Good Vibrations, Lennon, etc. Kind of like horror movies, the “shit” to “not shit” ratio for ‘jukebox musicals’ is pretty awful.

I complain because many in the business will confuse generous store receipts on Super Smash Bros. Brawl with fans actually enjoying their story. Nothing could be further from the truth. Subspace Emissary is not story; it is an insult to our intelligence. The community is perfectly fine with the way it was, when Mario beat the shit out of Link without any attempt at rationalizing it.

I mean, shit!

Look no further than the previous incarnation of Smash Bros. It had a flimsy storyline. Kingdom Hearts, while much more complex, never seemed to take itself seriously. (That is, until the sequel.) For Christ’s sake, you flew from world to world in a ship made of ‘gummi’ that was piloted by two chipmunks. And it was acceptable because it was a game that knew what it was: an excuse to kick ass as Donald Duck.

What I implore the makers of these games to consider is this: we, as a community, understand that your game inherently destroys the credibility of your character’s universes. We will accept this fact because you provide us with countless hours of quality gaming. This is the trade-off, you see. We are willing to suspend our disbelief almost infinitely, as long as you do not bore us with a slapped-together story about an ancient wizard robot who works for a being named Tabuu.

Boiled down, if the point – or plot, I suppose – of Subspace Emmisary is about trying to ’save the universe’, shouldn’t the gamer feel that it is a universe worth saving?

-chris littler

-links: ctp

Filed under: Commentary, Login as Guest, Story Analysis , abba, chris littler, jukebox game, Login as Guest, musicals, plot, ssbb, Story